Posts by Still Breaking Free

90

Do You Personally Know Of Anyone That Committed Suicide?

by minimus in

jw
friends

lately, i've come to find out that a more than a few people in the area had killed themselves.

most of the people i know of were in their early twenties or forties.

for those loved ones surviving them, it was mostly a shock!

Still Breaking Free

My brother committed suicide nearly four years ago. He was a gently giant (7'2) and struggled beyond belief to conform. His struggle with fitting in started at school where he was bullied even though he was bigger than everyone else. He started to dabble in drugs and there started his road, which ended roughly around his 27th birthday. We don't know the exact date as he wasn't found for anything from a week to 10 days. I am not and never have felt anger for what he did. He just wanted to fit in and all that he was asked to do made him stand out. I know that feeling through and through. He stood out because of his height and he stood out because of his clothes and his lifestyle. He was never encouraged to do something that would take advantage of his height as anything extra-curricular was just 'worldly association'. As a result he went completely off the rails and continued in the downward spiral and I believe he felt that just disappearing would make it easier for everyone else; that we wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. He was wracked with guilt every day of his life because he couldn't live up to what was expected.

He was a kind and gentle human being. Everyone warmed to him and he left lots of people devastated when he died. He never got the chance just to be himself.

A message to my precious brother: You WERE good enough. We loved you SO much and we miss you every day.

Rxxxx

44

What I do know is that there is peace to be found and there love to be had, after the organisation

by LIftsong in

my mother became a jw when i was six months old so i was brought up within the confines of the organisation.

i left properly in my early twenties and i am now 43 so a good 22 years of life, post being a witness have i travelled and documented thus far.

mine was a typical experience of a child in the congregation and i was busy doing my best to be a little adult as the child within slowly fell asleep.

Still Breaking Free

I am also a relative new-comer to this site and am completely gob-smacked at the comments I am reading!! It's like a Eureka moment!! So, so many of you are voicing the things that have been going on in my head all my life!!

Liftsong, you have made several points in just this one thread that have struck a chord with me! Self-esteem, not listening to one's own instinct, feeling of belonging, seeking counselling, getting out of the organisation BECAUSE of one's children to name just a few. I am 44 and left in 2000. Life is still a struggle in many ways, but I have incredibly supportive friends who are moral, loyal, genuine people - something I actually believed at one time was not possible outside the organisation!! They are patient and kind about my funny fears and phobias that I believe are a hangover from my life as a Witness and I don't know what I would do without them. It is, however, a bonus to now be able to talk to people who so obviously completely 'get it' because you have 'been there'.

As they say: 'onward and upward'!!!

53

Long term effects of Armageddon images

by Lady Lee in

someone i know is having a hard time with anxiety attacks.

she hasn't been a jw since a teen.

recently she has started seeing a therapist.

Still Breaking Free

Well, we are talking long-term effects? I was born into a witness family. I broke away in the year 2000. I am now 44 and this is the first time I have seen these images in many years. As I am looking at them my heart is racing and I want to cry at the sheer terror portrayed in the faces. It's not until you see clearly - which I, at last, feel I do - that the impact of this type of input becomes apparent.

It is nothing short of appalling to scare children in this way. I have a daughter of 15 and a son of 11. There are dangers and terrible things around us that I, as a responsible parent, have to educate them about. Their minds mature gradually and as that has happened, I have increased their knowledge of good and bad things that happen around us and tried to make them appreciate when it is necessary to be wary - as most parents do! However, I do not believe that this is achieved by showing them graphic pictures of horrific images at a young age!! This is not rocket science!

I wonder how this sits with my parents who were actually completely devoted and loving toward me and my brothers and sisters. It only underlines to me how the organisation blinds its followers and people who are intelligent and thoughtful in every other aspect of their lives are led along with no thought of the very real long-term consequences to those they love.

I call myself Still Breaking Free, but this forum is certainly helping to make that break even more final.

53

Long term effects of Armageddon images

by Lady Lee in

someone i know is having a hard time with anxiety attacks.

she hasn't been a jw since a teen.

recently she has started seeing a therapist.

Still Breaking Free

Black Sheep: I was obviously writing my comment at the same time as you! Ditto!!

53

Long term effects of Armageddon images

by Lady Lee in

someone i know is having a hard time with anxiety attacks.

she hasn't been a jw since a teen.

recently she has started seeing a therapist.

Still Breaking Free

As a child who was quite sensitive, I do remember feeling completely panic-stricken at the thought of Armageddon and the possible persecution we would have to go through. I would look around during Congregation meetings and would be in complete awe of everyone else who appeared to be excited by the prospect of Armageddon coming. I was also scared by Dr Who, The Phantom Raspberry Blower on The Two Ronnies - just to give you an idea of how sensitive!! The difference between those images that brought Armageddon to life in the publications and fairy stories was that this was something that my parents assured me was going to happen to US!! We were actually going to live through and witness this and as I never felt I was good enough to be favoured by Jehovah (although, in hindsight I was actually an incredibly good child, but that's another subject) I believed that I would be one of those suffering a very painful death while my friends and family would be looked after and protected.

If that isn't going to screw your mind up, then I don't know what is!!

69

Are You Surprised That Some "Intelligent" People Still Are Witnesses?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i know some very sharp men and women that remain as jws and that perplexes me at times.

i even know of a jw whose daughter got molested by her jw ministerial servant uncle and she still believes this is the "truth", even though she took her family member to court and won!.

i don't get it..

Still Breaking Free

My father is a very intelligent and deep thinking man. He has said on many occasions that he does wholeheartedly believe it's 'The Truth', but even if it all turns out to be complete nonsense he will die happy with the life he chose. Just as the Witnesses accuse others of choosing the religion that suits them, I believe that is precisely what many witnesses do.

Add to that the utter humiliation and feeling of wasting one's life if you admit, years down the line, that the way you have lived and the life you have carved out for your family has all been a terrible mistake.

I don't think it's surprising at all, but very, very sad.

42

LISTEN TO THE ELDERS TRY TO ANSWER QUESTIONS ON THEIR TEACHINGS

by Hobo Ken in

this blog has audio from conversations with the top elders in this countryduring " shepherding " visits and judicial.. first visit is in 4 parts.. part 1 here.. http://media.libsyn.com/media/tartanpodcast/doro_1.mp3.

Still Breaking Free

Thanks for your welcome ninja and Hobo Ken. It certainly is a struggle, but reading the posts on here have been so helpful. Its good to hear the stuff that goes on in my head being voiced by others!!!

I wish you well Hobo Ken with what you want to achieve - are there more podcasts to come? I have listened to the four covering your shepherding visit.

15

QUIT PUSHING IT AWAY.................PLEASE..........................

by Warlock in

jw
friends

i have noticed that part of, if not all of, the problem with some ex-jw's is that they insist on pushing their jw experience away.. look, you were jw's and that is a fact that you cannot change!.

converted, or born-in.

it is a fact of your life.. quit pushing it away!.

Still Breaking Free

Wow, boyzone, well said!!!

I agree wholeheartedly and when you hear these expressions from others who absolutely know what it's like it's another tick in the 'sane' box!!!

Thank goodness!

42

LISTEN TO THE ELDERS TRY TO ANSWER QUESTIONS ON THEIR TEACHINGS

by Hobo Ken in

this blog has audio from conversations with the top elders in this countryduring " shepherding " visits and judicial.. first visit is in 4 parts.. part 1 here.. http://media.libsyn.com/media/tartanpodcast/doro_1.mp3.

Still Breaking Free

I would like to thank you Hobo Ken for posting your experience. I only discovered this site a couple of days ago and this is my first post.

I was brought up as a Witness and our lives were completely devoted. I never felt I fitted in and always felt different and as though there was something wrong with me for not seeing what everyone else seemed to see so clearly. In 2000 at the age of 35 I finally made my stand and broke away with huge consequences in my family. I suffered nightmares and terrible feelings of fear and having let everyone down.

With the help of caring and loving friends I am coming to terms with the fact that I will always be a disappointment to my family, despite the fact that I run a successful small business and my children are growing up to be lovely, grounded, decent people who enjoy their lives.

Your recordings reminded me of the utter control they have over you and the patronising tone of the elders made my stomach turn!!

You showed a really good knowledge of your bible and said your piece with conviction and quiet confidence.

Such is the control they expect that it has affected relationships I have gone on to have and that is a battle I will be fighting for years. It's an insidious control masked behind smiles and smart suits and is incredibly damaging.

I wish you and your family all the best.